A Woman of Valor

When I think about what my wife went during my eleven months of unemployment and even for many months after I started working again, I am amazed at her perseverance.

Cindy stood by me as I searched for a job, pounded the pavement with my sign board, as we packed up our apartment and she left with the children for Omaha, as I basked in publicity during the summer but remained unemployed, as I moved in with my sister and her family and as I took off for Japan to see if our future lay on the other side of the world.

She did not give up on me or on herself—even as she continued living as a single mother of sorts after I had started working again and we remained thirteen hundred miles apart.

It is so important not to give up!

The traditional wedding vow includes, “Will you love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health, for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, in sadness and in joy, to cherish and continually bestow upon him your heart’s deepest devotion, forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto him as long as you both shall live?”

It does not say it will be easy.

There were so many times during my job search when I had to fight my doubts and insecurities, only to be uplifted by my wife, family and friends—or strangers reaching out and telling me, “Don’t give up!”

There were also many times when I had to tell my wife not to worry or panic.

Our situation was difficult, but we had to keep things in perspective. We had our health, food and shelter, endless opportunity—and so much more.

When you are unemployed or under-employed, it may seem as though everyone else is living the good life. They have nice homes and new cars, great jobs and beautiful, healthy children—and go on holiday vacations.

Why can’t we do that? Is that too much to ask?

All I ever wanted was a normal life, a home, a family and a job!

Life is full of challenges and making a living is one of them—probably the most important and difficult after maintaining one’s health.

Cindy deserved many rewards for her perseverance.

I failed for a time as the bread winner—and it pulled us apart physically—but thanks to telephone and computer communications, we were able to correspond, talk and even see each other many times a day.

Thanks to Continental Airlines, I could leave work after a long day at the office, hop on a non-stop flight from Newark Airport to Eppley Airfield, sleep in Omaha, spend the weekend with my family—and be back at work in New York on Monday morning.

In times gone by, people often had to live apart from their families for extended periods of time to earn a living—and some people still have that arrangement today, whether by choice or necessity.

It is not an easy way to live. It can be a strain on your relationship and may not be ideal for your children—but it is no reason to give up on your marriage, family, goals and dreams.

You must have patience and perseverance, be constructive and not destructive. The consequences of giving up are severe—and too often people turn their difficulties into tragedies.

My Grandpa Victor use to say, “A woman of valor is hard to find.”

Yet, I knew I had found my woman of valor. I did not want her to give up on me, and I was not going to give up on her. We had our rough moments, but we would not give up.

We had no idea how challenging it would be to live so far apart and how difficult it would be for Cindy to readjust to life in Omaha, living with her parents and taking care of our two small children, but we made the best of it.

Even when we were sad, frustrated and just plain exhausted, we reminded each other of our past achievements, the positive aspects of our experience and the light at the end of the tunnel.

Day to day, Cindy had to wake the children, make them breakfast, drive them to school, pick them up, provide activities, bathe them and beg them to go to sleep.

It may not seem like much, but I could not do it on my own.

Kids are demanding! They require constant love, attention, nurturing and discipline. I love my children and all children, but I have always worked with adults and am not sure if I would have the stamina and patience to spend all day, every day, taking care of children—even my own.

What was Cindy’s reward for all I had put her through and for facing the new challenges in her life?

When we had lived together and I had a good job, we would hire a baby-sitter every Saturday night and go out on the town. We would have the time of our lives. We would open Zagat’s restaurant guide, choose a restaurant, hop in a cab, order a couple of Cosmos and I would toast, “To the good life!”

Cindy always winced when I said that and reminded me how things could be better—but I knew she was essentially happy and appreciated all we had accomplished. We had so much for which to be thankful!

When we were living thirteen hundred miles apart, there were no more Saturday nights on the town and no more celebrations for a hard week’s work.

Even when I started working again, our Saturday night celebrations were few and far between, but we did not give up. It is not easy to restructure, reorganize or rebuild your life, but you should always try to look for the silver lining in any situation and keep your dreams alive.

For Cindy and me, the silver lining was that she and our children got to spend quality time with her parents and grandparents in Omaha.

Also, the children were able to experience a different type of lifestyle than what they were used to in the big city. They got to live in a house with a back yard, have a dog and go to wonderful schools which turned out to give them a better education than the expensive private school they had attended in the city.

It was challenging living so far apart, but we tried to keep our relationship and family together and looked forward to the time when we would actually be together under one roof.

“For richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, in sadness and in joy.”

We had been blessed with much good fortune—the richer, better and joy—and did what we could to survive through our difficulties—the poorer, worse and sadness—our year of severe drought.

I had been thrown into the pit, but it was proving to be part of a greater plan—and although there would be more challenges to overcome along the way, I would emerge from the pit, hold tight to my dreams and end up in a better place, a place where I could feed and sustain my family instead of being a burden and a cause of strife.

As my Grandpa Victor used to say, “A light shines brightest in the darkest places.”