My walks were often the highlight of my day. If the weather was bad, I ducked into Grand Central Station, meandering through the busy food courts, market stalls and shops.
These walks kept me sane, healthy and in good humor. A midday walk was essential—and on days when I planned to work late, an evening walk was too.
Usually, I strolled on Park Avenue, uplifted by the wealth and pride of the people, buildings and financial institutions that made up the famous strip. Sometimes, I walked east to the United Nations, intrigued by the embassies and the wealth of nations. On occasion, I walked to Park Avenue South to catch the sun which was blocked to the north by the Met Life Building. Other times, I meandered by the New York Public Library to enjoy the open space at Bryant Park.
I hoped I could find another job in the same neighborhood. I loved watching the figure skaters at the Bryant Park during the winter and sitting in the sun for a few minutes during the summer. There was almost always entertainment in the park—music, theater or a fashion show.
I also loved Grand Central Station. There were often interesting cultural exhibitions in Vanderbilt Hall—or a movie being filmed in the Main Concourse. Although I rarely ate in the food court, I enjoyed walking by all the restaurants to relish the amazing variety of food on display.
Having just been fired for the second time, I strolled uptown along Park Avenue. Who would do all my work? Did they consider how much profit I generated? Did they appreciate that my clients repeatedly sent me thank you notes praising my work and attentiveness? Would they ask me to stay again?
I was upset, but I was also somewhat relieved. Indeed, my relationship with Houlihan Lokey had been tenuous from the beginning.
I glanced over at the Charles Schwab office on the corner of 50th and Park. Maybe I’ll start a hedge fund, I thought, or become a professional stock trader. I loved following the market and ever since my first job on the floor of the American Stock Exchange, I had always wanted to work with the market. I had gone off in a different direction, but I could return to it. It would be exciting and best of all, I would be my own boss.
As I arrived at the large Seagram’s Building plaza housing a metallic Calder sculpture on 52nd and Park Avenue, my blood started to boil and my eyes wandered between the sky and the ground. I started circling the plaza.
Should I call my wife? No, not yet, I’ll tell her when I get home. This was no surprise I reminded myself. I had wanted to get out of there. I had been dissatisfied all along. I’ll find something better.
Stay calm, I told myself. Be professional. Keep your cool. It will all work out for the best.
I gave myself time to get upset and then some more time to calm down. I had been let go before, and I had always landed on my feet. It had never been easy, but I had always managed to move forward and find something better. In any case, I had been unhappy at Houlihan Lokey, and now I was free.
As I started heading back to the office, my doubts and insecurities returned with a vengeance. The Indian summer sun had vanished completely behind the Manhattan skyline with perfect and painstaking ease, bringing darkness and a chill to the air. Suddenly disoriented, I realized that I had no idea what the end or beginning of the day meant anymore. I was completely lost. The only thing I knew was that I was that I was going to return home to my wife and children without a job.
What was I going to do? I’d been through this before. Why was everything so difficult? Why were there so many challenges in life?
I returned to the office, hiding my mixture of hurt and relief and worked for a few more hours. The work made me calm. I was good at what I did and proud of my professionalism—but there was certainly no reason to stay late.
I stepped out of Houlihan Lokey’s revolving doors for one of the last times ever and walked right into the global economic nightmare of 2008. I didn’t know that at the time, so after recovering from my initial shock and disappointment, my overwhelming feeling was of relief. Finally, I was free of the politics and pretentiousness, the power-struggles and back-stabbing.
I just hoped Cindy would not be too upset.
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